THE ELSKER SAGA tells the story of twenty-year-old Kristia Tostenson and her journey from her one-stoplight hometown to Cardiff University in Wales. Her world expands exponentially when she falls in love with Ull Myhr, the Norse God of Winter. Ull introduces her to his best friends, Inga and Gunnar Andersson, and Kristia finds herself in a mythology-packed adventure that surpasses her craziest dreams. Since Kristia’s a little shy, I thought I’d use Inga to share the world of ELSKER. I hope you find her as sassy as I do.

Five Reasons Being A Norse Goddess Rocks. By Inga Jensson Andersson 

We have a Thor. 

(CC) DUNECHASER

~ Yep, Ull, Gunnar and I have been on extended vacation in your realm long enough, and we've seen your movies. You people are obsessed. Just so you know, the real Thor is my buddy Ull’s step-dad. And he only wishes he looked like that cutie pie Chris Hemsworth. Our Thor is older, wrinklier, and way more intimidating. He could literally crush you with Mjölnir (his giant hammer). Your movie Thor is far too attractive to frighten anyone. No offense, cutie pie. And no offense real Thor, either -- I’m totally not saying you’re unattractive. Not at all, Sir. I mean, you snagged Ull’s mom for a wife, and she’s Goddess of Beauty. No, you’re a total catch, honest. I’d better stop now…

We’re so awesome, you mortals name your days of the week after us. 

~ Not all the days, but a good chunk of them. Your Tuesday? Tyr’s Dag (dag is Day in Norse). Tyr is God of War -- and he’s majorly cranky about it. Wednesday is Odin’s Dag, Odin’s day. Odin is our big kahuna, the Father of All Things. He’s also Ull’s grandfather, and he only has one eye. Thursday is Thor’s Dag. I know you know Thor, God of Thunder, has the giant hammer Mjolnir, the whole shebang. Friday is Freya’s Dag. Freya rides around on a chariot pulled by cats. I’d prefer an IndyCar, but to each her own.

Your composers write songs about us. 

~ If Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries isn't one of the most amazing pieces ever, I don’t know what is. Wish I could be a Valkyrie…

We can travel between the realms any time we want on a magic rainbow bridge called the Bifrost. 

~ No reservations, no airport security lines, no baggage fees. We just pop on over to Heimdall (the bridge boss), tell him where we want to go, and poof! Instant transport. Pretty sweet, huh?

We’re so much more fabulous than those Greek goddesses. 

~ I don’t mean anything against Athena, Hera and the gang, but we could totally crush them. I mean, while they’re sitting in olive groves writing poetry and swooning over all those “yusses” (Andronicus, Titus, Oedipus…) we’re using flying goddesses to train dead humans to fight our battles. *waves* (See Number 3, Valkyries.) And don’t even get me started on the clothes. Have you ever seen a Greek goddess wearing anything but a toga and sandals? Don’t get me wrong, I love me a great pair of sandals -- especially the strappy kind that wraps all the way up the calf. But there’s a time for strappy sandals and there’s a time for killer heels. Louboutins, Jimmy Choos, Manolos… And then there’s riding boots, wedges, and the occasional ballet flat. You’re goddesses girls -- why limit yourself to one kind of footwear? Think outside the sandal. Am I right, ladies?

And Two Reasons It Doesn't Rock

There’s a hierarchy in Asgard, and Odin forgot to make me a Titled goddess. 

~Obviously I’m supposed to be Domestic Goddess, so this was a major oversight on Odin’s part.

We’re all going to die at some epic battle called Ragnarok. 

~ But hey, we’re doing it for you. Asgard will fall so Midgard can prosper. You’re welcome, Earth.

But other than that, being a goddess is a pretty good deal. I hate to cut this short but I have to dash -- I've got a paper to write, and a date with Gunnar to get ready for. We’re hitting the go-kart track tonight, how fun is that? Until next time!

Kisses,

Inga.