Once was Lost by Sara Zarr

Book Synopsis: (Goodreads) Samara Taylor used to believe in miracles. She used to believe in a lot of things. As a pastor's kid, it's hard not to buy in to the idea of the perfect family, a loving God, and amazing grace. But lately, Sam has a lot of reason to doubt. Her mother lands in rehab after a DUI and her father seems more interested in his congregation than his family. When a young girl in her small town is kidnapped, the local tragedy overlaps with Sam's personal one, and the already-worn thread of faith holding her together begins to unravel.

What an amazing journey through redemption and heartbreak. Getting to know Sam was like revisiting myself at that age. The bittersweet point of our lives when childhood ceases to exist and being a grown up is the only probable future.

As her father preaches from the pulpit, Sam is in the pews wondering if there is a God. Is there is such a thing as faith and belief? Sam's sense of loneliness, abandonment, and her sense of wanting a solid proof of faith; strikes a chord that I think everyone at some point faces. We all stop and ponder that ageless question: Is there a God? Why am I here? What is the point?

We learn that Sam (Samara) used to really believe in miracles. My favorite line in the book that I believe sums up the central conflict in Lost was Sam’s statement about wishing she could go back to a time in her life when faith was never a question, when believing in God was as real as breathing, there was no doubt and no questions. Welcome to the wonderful world of awareness Sam.

With her mother in rehab, her father a stranger and a young girl from her church kidnapped, Sam is convinced that the fracture in her faith she’s been feeling for months is real. She’s teetering on the edge of a cliff, one foot in her faith and one foot falling into the darkness of hopelessness. As we watch Sam go through each day - trying to build a better garden, trying to hang out with friends who want to know what has happened to her mother without telling her they already know, trying not to be suspicious of the pretty youth group leader's relationship with her dad – reminds us readers, this could be any of us.

Through the lonliness of her circumstances, Sam developes an odd relationship with Nick, the brother of the kidnapped girl and together a bond is formed that helps them both to heal and resolve inner issues. I loved that Ms. Zarr spanned her characters from the ages of thirteen to thirty, to grandmas and grandpas. Even though the story was told through the eyes of a 15 year old, the perspectives seen showed us immaturity, wisdom, strength and weakness. I also loved that Zarr included the strong presence of parents and adult figures in her story, it made the struggles believable and helped you connect with all the characters not just Sam. Each person was shown in a picture of dark and light, and with the sensibilities that we are all flawed individuals. My favorite flawed character was Sam’s father. The whole community puts Charlie into this small  pastor box. He knows all the answers; he’s supposed to be perfect and fit inside the box with no questions asked. The people of the church feel that since they pay his check he needs to be in a state of poverty to truly be a man of God. But even Charlie struggles with his inner demons. As each character reaches a point of clarity we the reader reach it with them. You will not beable to resist cheering for this family and hoping for them. Beautifully written and beautifully told, Once was Lost is a tremendous story for young and old alike.

5/5 YA Family Drama, Coming of Age